Up until the other day, all the frames that hung above my desk were empty. They were still filled with the stock photo that they came with...and the quote on all 4 of them said "Art Enables us to find ourselves and lose ourselves at the same time". Lost and found. The dichotomy of loss and gain is the balance that life needs. Without it we are too much or not enough.

But to loose ourself or be open hearted to any new idea...there is a small grief. Grief of a beloved idea, grief of new curiosities pursuing us. Both gain & loss requires bravery. And trust. And determination. In that we find equilibrium.

My work has come from both gain and loss in the past 12 months.

12 months ago I thought my calling was to tell City Stories. Plain and simple. Stories of skylines and the people who lived in them. Born from a love developed for a place, and it became stale in my attempts to make it happen.

And as I dug to create from a place of pure sincerity, I found city stories to be the part of art i needed to lose. And that was hard. To loosen myself from this idea that had been at the heart of so much of my drive and my story.

But art, as art can do, helped me find myself again. At a deeper place. A more honest and open place.

Because while my calling as a photographer is to marriage, the deepest level of my call is to story.

Hither & Hold. Alicia Sturdy. Whatever I create on a page or with a photograph. It's not about marriage. It's not about weddings. It's not about websites. It's not about logos. It's not about the frames. It's not about the albums. It's not about iMacs and watercolors.

It's about the story. The journey.

It's a spark...whatever that may be. A vow, a loss, a gain, an inspiration. That creates more than just a flash of light that burns out faster than it was created, it's a flame. That when coaxed burns brighter than in those first moments of inception.

The fan to the flame is remembering the story. To believe that each moment in the story shapes who we are and that it's worthy to be called attention to.

The darkest moments, the brightest days.

This Altar, this act that ensures we will remember the pain or joy or sorrow or goodness of that moment - create threads of in your life...your journey...that weave together to create the testimony to whatever the altar holds.

personalAliciaDecember 29, 2015Comment

The Everyday Us

Alicia Sturdy and Andrew Sturdy #TBT Black and White Snapshot

Do you print your pictures? Confession, I don’t. Lame, right? Skimming through the contents of my external hard drive, I came across this photo of Andrew and I. Chances are my grandchildren will not be cruising my Instagram feed in 25 years and see this picture. They will not pull out my external hard drive and dig through all the mislabeled files. Printing this picture, I can give them something real. Sure, it’s a snapshot. I’m sure the photos that will get handed down to them will be of more importance - our wedding photo, other important life events. But what they won’t see if this lives on my hard drive, is the everyday us. The us that isn’t perfectly made-up or in our Sunday best. The us they will miss is the real us. And that actually is the one I want them to know the most.

personalAliciaDecember 17, 2015Comment

What are you grateful for?

I keep forgetting that Christmas is next week...NEXT WEEK! Friday! I know today is Tuesday, and technically Christmas is 10 days away, not a week. But you know how the week of Christmas goes...last minute shopping, Christmas cards, decorating, grocery shopping, cleaning. I am already feeling a tiny pinch of anxiety about cleaning my house (right after my family was here this past weekend, and my inlaws were here for Thanksgiving!). And I think it's easy to lean into the holidays to avoid the new year coming. I want to savor Christmas and Advent as a time of peace and anticipation and then suddenly the new year comes barreling through the door and I'm suddenly thinking about what I did wrong in the past year that I don't want to repeat in the next. Something that has been tapping me on the shoulder quite a bit these days is the thought of 'gratitude'. Two women I love to follow online, Lara Casey & Sue Bryce, are gratitude champions (in my humble opinion). They both use gratitude as a tool in their life in businesses that makes me want what they have (and I don't think of this as coveting because I know I can have gratitude as well!).

Quote by Melody Beattie: "Gratitude turns what we have into Enough" | #HITHERandHOLD - Alicia Sturdy

Click here to download this iPhone background

Today I'm going to make a list of all the things I'm grateful for in my life. Because instead of thinking of all the things I don't have, I want to focus on the things I do.

A relationship with Jesus
Clean water
Healthy food (thinking about that bunch of kale in my fridge!)
Stella
Andrew
Mom
Dad
Melissa
Kaylee
Kace
Kim
Rob
Katilyn
Christopher
That we moved this year so close to family that we have seen them all more in the past 30 days than we did the 4 years we were in Connecticut
Our house that fell into our laps and is perfect for us in so many ways
A healthy, encouraging and loving Church
Andrew's co-workers
A business that allows me to stay home
Work that lets me be who I am
A past that, while at times has been hard, has blessed us in ways we never could have imaged
Socks (my feet are so cold right now!)
A car that works
A neighborhood that is safe, beautiful, and again...perfect for us
A washing machine (uhh...we were laundromat people for 2 years...)
My computer
My camera
The opportunity to attend two conferences this year
Friends from all areas of my life that I am still in contact with and love me for who I am
A driveway
Living near the lake
My hobby of cooking, I love doing it and it provides joy and...well, dinner, for my family
For failures this year
For successes this year
My old jobs that have provided for me and pushed me to become who I am

Making a list of things I'm grateful for...overall and from the past year...helps me remember the goodness in my life. What are you grateful for this year? Share it in the comments below, I'd love to make this post all about celebrating blessings and goodness beyond just myself.

PS: If you're making your list, and have a tug at your heart to hold on to the goodness this year as brought, let me help you make an altar to remember. My Hither & Hold portrait sessions are designed specifically to capture the power of these moment and gives you the gift of treasuring all those things within the beauty of a photograph. Bookings are available for 2016, visit my website for all the information!

PPS: Here is a moment from this past weekend I'm grateful for...the sweetness of Stella's spirit (now that's alliteration!)

personalAliciaDecember 15, 2015Blessings, Business, Grateful, GratitudeComment

Longing

I think everyone is familiar with the feeling of longing. That fire in our bellies that isn't burning at full blast, but is a slowly stoked flame that drives us either into desperation or despair. I don't know what direction this longing is telling me to do - but I do know that it told me to put pen to paper (or fingers to keys!) and talk about it.

Last week I planned out my blog. I created this whole big spreadsheet...which is huge for me because I don't like spreadsheets and I am the biggest ENFP/enneagram7/type B personality you could ever find. I have other tools in my business that help me organize, but spreadsheets really are not one of them.

So this spreadsheet tells me what I am to write every Tuesday and Thursday. And I planned out the topics until the end of February (because really who wants to write about something in August that you thought up in December). I do this for consistency, I do this for accountability, I do this for my own scatterbrain.

But one thing I can't help but shake is just letting this scatterbrain let her do her scattered thing. To give her space to write what is on her heart...and I think I'll let her do just that.

Monday - a day I'm 'not suppose to write'...I am slated to work on a logo project, a Showit Design, and brainstorm some marketing ideas. But I found myself thrown off track (it involved a spilled glass of milk, a spoiled almond milk smoothie, and ended in bacon and eggs that could make any wrong day right). My journal at my side, and my "Write the Word" journal (get one here, it has changed my life) open - I found myself with a feeling of longing. Of what, I'm not sure...but it involved God.

I hesitate to talk about God sometimes because I don't want to push people away. I don't want you to judge me...for how spiritual or unspiritual I am. But I can't help it. I have to talk about this part of myself that is feeding this fire in my belly.

I flipped up a few of my favorite blogs that always give me a little boost in terms of my spirituality. Encouragement to listen smaller or harder...peace that I am not alone in this pursuit. But I couldn't find any of those same whispers or voices that give me that God Boost.

And it made me think...I want to know what you're longing for. I want to know what fire is in YOUR belly. Is it a baby, a new house, a new job, time alone, time together? What is it?

Because when we are open hearted and honest about things sometimes, that open door lets healing in. It makes things happen. When you send that longing out into the universe, it lets relief in.

What are you longing for?

personalAliciaDecember 12, 2015Comment

Home is wherever I'm with you

Sunday we decorated for Christmas. We have lived in four different places in the past 5 years (wow...I never thought about that until now!) so each apartment had a specific place where all the Christmas stuff went. In our first apartment in grad school, our 800~ square foot apartment meant our tiny tree seemed enormous and Christmas exploded onto every ledge and shelf we had available. Our cute little yellow house in Middletown was built in the 1830's - so we had a beautiful old fireplace and a cozy nook for our tree to go in (the first and only year we've had a REAL tree!). The open, airy place we had in Hartford had 15 windows throughout the apartment - so we put a candle in each (and had to go to 3 different Targets to find the $1 battery operated candlesticks because BOY is that an investment otherwise!). And now our cozy cape in Racine...with the green walls that give it an instant Christmas vibe and the window box in the front that Stella likes to climb up on and play with said candles in the window (also our first Christmas with a 1.5 year old...oy). But as I was determining the best place for our 'heirloom' Christmas tomte collection to go (up high on the fireplace...see note about the 1.5 year old) - had a thought. From the northside of Chicago to the rolling hills of Connecticut, to the lakeshore in Racine - as long as Andrew is here...I'm home.

Alicia-and-andrew-sturdy-christmas-best-friend-hats-target

Within my new brand, is a phrase 'Hither & Hold'. The word 'hither' means 'to or towards this place'. The minute I read it, I knew it was meant to be mine.

Because even though #tbt comes and goes every week (and may seem like a weird internet fad)...we look back to hold those moments a little closer. We look back on those photographs to remember that time, that moment, that place. To feel that spark once again. The spark that makes our souls long for that connection once more.

So where do you hither? What do you want to hold? Let's start a Hither & Hold movement. Deeper than Thursday...deeper than where we've been before. Today, my place I want to #hitherandhold is this photo. To us two, on a cold December day. In that season of life that holds so much sweetness in our marriage. That is where I want to hither, and what I want to hold.

personalAliciaDecember 10, 2015Comment

The new Alicia Sturdy

I have started this blog post more times than you can imagine, but I just need to be plain and simple about it. MY NEW BRAND IS FINALLY HERE.

The journey & calling for me and this new brand has been brewing since October 2013 (!) and has gone through revision upon revision. I can't wait to debrief all that has gone into this journey...because BOY as it been a long one! But first, I want to share with you a little bit about what my new brand is all about.

It starts with two very little words.

Hither & Hold.

The word hither means 'to this place' - and that definition has enchanted me. Every artist needs a muse, and HITHER & HOLD is mine.

The HITHER & HOLD movement is about marking time for the future to look back on and be reminded of the love, goodness and grace enclosed within a photograph.

HITHER & HOLD is a new portraiture for married life.

It is a testimony.

It is an altar.

It's a doorway back to this moment, to hither to this place, and hold it dear.

Come on in, friend. Welcome.

www.aliciasturdy.com

Can't wait to share more coming up in future blog posts...but for right now, welcome to a new experience.

---

Thank you SO MUCH to SO many people!! My family (Mom, Dad, Melissa, Kaylee), Carri, Ashley, Michelle & Meghan, my MOIB crew (Carly, Charlene, Davina, Katelyne, Kristen, Nadeena, Robyn, Sandra, Shaina, Treacy), Jeff Jochum, Elise & Scott of Hey Sweet Pea, Sarah, all my beautiful couples featured on the site that I've shot over the years, and of course, Andrew. Sweetheart, you are the reason why my vision exists...this journey with you is my ultimate muse to hither & hold. I love you.

businessAliciaDecember 7, 2015 Comments

Annika & Ray

Life in the city seems to speed by faster than normal, maybe it's because the city never sleeps. Stories formed here thrive by the glow of the skyline at night. Stories you point to and say "this changed us for the better".

I love to tell these stories - of couples and the closing of a chapter of their life kindled by a sacred connection with the city they love. So when Annika texted me to share the news about their upcoming move to New York (RIGHT when we were moving closer to Chicago!) I knew I had to tell their story.

We started in Lake Shore Park, where they got engaged, taxied to museum campus, where they'd run after work, and ended in their empty apartment.

Chicago Skyline Goodbye Story - Annika & Ray | Alicia Sturdy, #hitherandhold | www.aliciasturdy.com

Chicago Skyline Goodbye Story - Annika & Ray | Alicia Sturdy, Hither & Hold | www.aliciasturdy.com

As their moving boxes were packed waiting to be put on the truck, I asked them to take a few minutes to breath in the last moments here. To answer the question, "Without you, this city would have felt ___" and "Before you, this city felt ___". They whispered each other secrets kept only in their heart and now between just two.

To view the rest of the gallery, click here (http://printshop.aliciasturdy.com/gallery/annika-ray-goodbye-session/) and don't miss the special 10 second video preview of Annika & Ray's session ONLY on my Instagram (@aliciasturdy)!

marriageAliciaNovember 6, 2015Chicago, City Story, Connecticut Photography, Goodbye, Love, Moving, Seasons, SkylineComment

This is me

The internet is a strange place. It's a place where you can seemingly find out anything about anyone. Anything, but really sometimes nothing. The internet is a place where you can seemly get to know someone, feel like their best friend, like you know them already without even talking face to face.

I don't know what you know about me, but let's consider this our first introduction.

Hi! I'm Alicia.

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I could go on and tell you a lot of different things about me. That I'm an artist, that I'm a mom, that I'm a wife and daughter. That I could eat pizza every day (and attempted to during my 9 months of pregnancy). That I absolutely adore fizzy drinks of any kind - my two favorites being seltzer and champagne. That I love personality tests, in particular the enneagram (7 here!) and the myers briggs is growing on me (ESFP). That I drink more than 3 cups of coffee before noon, and think about what I'm having for dinner by the middle of breakfast.

But you really wouldn't know me. You would know me...but really, you don't know me. So here are a few things...my secrets and beliefs....take them or leave them.

I believe street traffic is the soundtrack of a city, listening to the honking horns and people out all hours of the night as I go to sleep is like being lulled by the city’s heartbeat.

I watch my wedding video every year on our anniversary.

I believe in raising my children be cultured; because my idea of motherhood includes weekly sushi dates with my daughter.

I know my kryptonite in cleaning is boxes of photographs; once I start walking down memory lane it’s hard for me to stop.

I wear sunglasses when I'm on the subway; it the way I can be with nobody while being surrounded by everybody.

I secretly love that my husband and I have an unwritten rule that whoever cooks doesn't have to do the dishes. I always cook.

I believe christmas doesn’t start until your first Starbucks holiday drink; in college every Christmas my girlfriends and I hold off on our holiday drinks until we celebrate ‘Evergreen Saturday’ - gingerbread latte's at Starbucks, the lighting parade down Michigan Avenue, and our yearly pilgrimage through the closed off streets to Potbellys on State & Lake.

I believe the best piece of jewelry is the one passed down at least two generations.

I have a bon vivant spirit when it comes to eating out.

I think the best friends are the ones you laugh so hard you cry with.

I am really sentimental about the chapter of life I lived in Chicago - but that doesn't mean I don't love the chapter I'm living in right now.

I believe the best peace & quiet is found in the middle of a crowded coffee shop; the anonymity brings the best silence.

I own six seasons of Ina Garten's show The Barefoot Contessa...and watch them before I go to bed.

I have been known to not think twice about suggesting after dinner cupcakes and coffee in NYC...we lived two hours away and did this A LOT.

I love having a pot of coffee on all day.

I am, at my very core, a sentimental, nostalgic sap.

I believe life is too short not to surround yourself with happy people.

I totally think pearls are better than diamonds.

I believe in long layovers, its my best excuse to spend the afternoon in the Sky Lounge.

I love Spotify am a music junkie, and I have VERY eclectic taste...my favorite playlist right now is my "ME" list.

I sing and dance when I'm alone...the last song I wanted to get up and all out dance party solo on? Cosmic Girl by Jamiroquai.

I think a healthy happy hour rotation is the best excuse for date night 5 nights a week.

I believe in taking the expressway during rush hour, because there is no better view than the skyline when you’re stuck in traffic.

I can't stand waiting a whole week for the next episode of something so I wait a whole year until it comes out all together on iTunes so I can binge watch it in a week.

I hate planning things out. If you want to get us on your calendar, ask me the day before.

I love long walks down bustling streets like Michigan Avenue, State Street, 5th Avenue or Broadway - there is something just so therapeutic about pounding out the pavement, window shopping, and absorbing the energy of the city.

I like to say it's our anniversary when taking 6am flights with the hope of scoring free mimosas when the drink cart comes by.

I love my smile. Honest! I got made fun of so much for my squinty eyed smile growing up...but it just makes me want to smile even more.

I look at photos on my iPhone every day...I want to relive the memories I've captured through those little windows to the past. My favorite app? TIMEHOP.

I think no matter how hard city life can be - with every broken car window, parking ticket, and traffic jam - that a breathtaking view of a sparkling skyline makes all the hard parts fade away.

I'm tempted to tie this up into a nice bow. Blah blah blah something nice and flowery but you know what? This is me. Take it or leave it.

personalAliciaJuly 15, 2015 Comments

A letter to this girl.

I sat at my computer with this churning in my chest. It was late, 11 o'clock - and I still come home from work. I sat there - confronted by time. Being forced to acknowledge that I am in fact, growing old. (Don't worry, I haven't started using night creme yet...)

This is how it went down. I was working late at the office, and was listening to a power mix on Spotify when one of my favorite songs came on. As I typed away, the song ended and I felt the need to rewind and listen again. I found myself singing along, I do that when I'm in the office alone. Oh, but this time I felt myself really listening to the words - the words, 'while our bloods still young, so young it runs'. And in that moment, I felt differently about that line than I ever had.

In the past, when jamming (yep) out to this song - I identified with it. I felt it was about me. I felt I was singing about our blood - being so young it runs. But just now, I felt like that season was gone.

And I felt the need to write a letter. To this girl.

A letter reminding her she can always find her way back home. She can always find comfort in his arms. That even though his arms change, they always stay the same.

That her heart will get ripped out and put back in by things she didn't expect. That she'll be forced to confront the person she feels she is, and the person she wants to be. Needs to be. Is told to be.

But no matter who she becomes, she'll always be able to find her way back home. She can always find the girl she once was, that the boy she still loves - here.